Nurturing Female Aggression

[Patrick Hardin]

I was wondering if any of you dangerous ladies out there could lend a few tips on how to bring out and nurture proper martial aggression and intent when working with a female beginner.

Patrick Hardin

[ElizabethPangerl]

Big big problem for me. I'm not all the way over this especially if I'm aiming at my husband since it really wouldn't be a healthy marriage if I wanted to kill him. Develop confidence in control and aim by hitting a pell or other target first. Looking at his forehead or his collarbone instead of his eyes also helps.

One thing that has helped me in solo drills is picturing people who would hurt children. Not just anyone - pick a particular case that really moves you. I have my pick of cases since I interact with law enforcement, but there was one case I read in the paper about a local girl that made me sick. She had been abused and eventually murdered in a particularly awful way. I picture what I would have done to the people who hurt her had I been her mother (not the one who allegedly also hurt her). Even though I don't have kids yet, It's an interesting play on the maternal instinct.

PM me if you want a link to the story.
There's more on this in another thread from last fall or winter if you do a search.

[david welch]

There's more on this in another thread from last fall or winter if you do a search.

It's the "chick with a sword" thread, I believe.

[jeremy pace]

My wife and i have found that pell work and training with masks really help. I generally use the same tactics in teaching a woman as i would teaching a younger student.... fight as if you were protecting something you love. That and removing the fear of the weapon helps greatly. I think men grow up knowing we are supposed to not be afraid and ready to "be tough".... women of that upbringing are a little more rare. Good luck!

[John_Clements]

I've had success in my female students by just focusing on technical skills at first, then, in time, pressing them during free-play to force them to bring it out themselves.

[Denise Smith]

I found the only way I was able to get over the barrier of being afraid of hurting someone was to take running charge, yelling at my instructor. I ran as fast as I could wielding a practice weapon (I know it's not historically accurate , it was like in the movies). It took a couple runs before I wasn't afraid of him. I needed not only to get away from my own fears but also the phony perceptions of sword fighting... do it once and you'll find out how phony it is when you get to the other end of your run and swing wildly only to get a quick pop from your instructor. I've neither wanted to run like a wild woman again nor been afraid to strike an opponent.
I do still face fears of doing things wrong and getting hurt but I'm getting tougher every time I spar with my son our his friends. After my son flipped me during a hand-to hand combat lesson I realized the need for more protective gear or softer ground... at least until I learn how to fall more gracefully.

The problem comes from years of being told that fighting and playing with boys is not lady like... I kid you not! I have always been taller and stronger than my sisters and was not allowed to protect myself from them because my mother told me it wasn't fair because I was bigger (I'm the youngest).

Each person, male or female, has certain things in their upbringing that influence their fighting ability. The individual and the instructor must be open enough to find out more about these hidden influences. Through self analyses I can pin point several influences that become obstacles in my training.
Once these are identified they can be addressed and the student can than focus on the training not the fears.

[Patrick Hardin]

Definitely helpful input, everybody. Many thanks.

[Will Adamson]

So I may not be able to give a woman's POV on this, but after seeing my wife push out a nine pound baby I'll bet that if there is a female student who has done the same...you can probably get them to draw on that. My wife is not an aggresive person, but OMG!!!

Oh, and epidurals don't count.

[Jeffrey Hull]

Hey:

For whatever reasons, whether nature or nurture or both, some individuals, both female and male, never seem to feel that it is "alright" or "allowed" to be agressive.

If somone is raised to never be that way, then that makes for problems. Conversely, if raised to always be that way, then that also makes for problems. Being raised to have agression when needed may hopefully let someone carry on with some healthy balance in life.

So perhaps I am suggesting more of a nurture supposition as to why women may find their agression hindered, which consequently manifests in the fight-school, or sadly, in a serious confrontation on the street.

Perhaps such a student of concern, of either gender, may be waiting for a teacher to be that benefactor whom they never had, who literally tells her/him:
"Hey - it is alright to let your spirit loose to drive your fight!"

Yet in deference to the nature supposition, some folks are, I think, born with a gentle character, and may never find themselves to be aggresive, despite trying or being allowed to let it loose. Perhaps such meek persons are to whom sometimes the fight-masters referred in their assertions that fencing is not for everyone. And no one should take that as a criticism of such folks.

I state all that in earnest hope of offering a simple yet true insight regarding the important subject you broached.

[Monika Maziarz]

Hallo All!

I agree with Jeffrey!
Both female and male people are often neighter born nor grown up to be agressive.

I have trained wrestling with the wrestling group of my husband Tomek Maziarz in Ringschule Wroclaw for 2 years. For some long time I've been the only woman among men. So from my side it was excellent having to train with heavier and stronger people, because I had to train harder, then they! From the other side I felt, they treated me lighter, especially when it came to 1-minute sparring- fights.
I think men don't like to train with women, because they can not use their all strength and are afraid of hurting us.

Acoording to fight or a training with a man, hmmm, I often feel weakness and that my thin arms can not stand even the man in the same weight. But it doesn't hurt me to practise quickness, technique and right using the balance.
Fear? When it comes to the fight I feel some kind of agression, so that I attack more often and am activer than my oponent, because I am weaker and prefer being offensive, may be I will be able to make more efficiently technique then? .

Regards
Monika

[Sydney Heald Yarbrough]

I agree with Jeffrey's statement and will add that I have no problem with aggression since I grew up a tom-boy in a neighborhood where I was the only girl among 7 neighborhood boys.
I think it has alot to do with the way people are raised and what they have experienced.
I know that the fear of pain and being hit as well as hitting back is something that a person simply gets used over time.
Some of us just started sooner than others.
And let me add that I was also often reminded that it was not very lady-like behavior, but I was not the kind of kid who listened too well.
Not to mention Zula (from Conan) was my role model, heh heh.

Syd

Hey:

For whatever reasons, whether nature or nurture or both, some individuals, both female and male, never seem to feel that it is "alright" or "allowed" to be agressive.

If somone is raised to never be that way, then that makes for problems. Conversely, if raised to always be that way, then that also makes for problems. Being raised to have agression when needed may hopefully let someone carry on with some healthy balance in life.

So perhaps I am suggesting more of a nurture supposition as to why women may find their agression hindered, which consequently manifests in the fight-school, or sadly, in a serious confrontation on the street.

Perhaps such a student of concern, of either gender, may be waiting for a teacher to be that benefactor whom they never had, who literally tells her/him:
"Hey - it is alright to let your spirit loose to drive your fight!"

Yet in deference to the nature supposition, some folks are, I think, born with a gentle character, and may never find themselves to be aggresive, despite trying or being allowed to let it loose. Perhaps such meek persons are to whom sometimes the fight-masters referred in their assertions that fencing is not for everyone. And no one should take that as a criticism of such folks.

I state all that in earnest hope of offering a simple yet true insight regarding the important subject you broached.

[James Sterrett]

This mostly backs up things others have said; we found that these all helped Corinne:

- Learning technique, which gives confidence, which in turn breeds willingness to be aggressive! (Cor also notes the extreme joy she felt when she learned the technique for setting aside an incoming head strike (which James did a lot of...) and then used it with a successful counterstrike to boot. )

- James pointed out the tactical importance of aggression - taking/contesting the initiative. Cor says this really stuck home for her when she realized that James retreated when she threw herself into an all-out attack (much like Denise's technique?) and had the moment of gut realization that it kept kept James "so busy trying not to get hit that I didn't have to worry about him hitting me AGAIN".

- We also videotaped outselves using a digital camera. Terrible footage, worse technique, but a great learning experience in many ways - not least of which was the ability to watch ourselves making mistakes, including being too passive!

[S. Hord]

I was wondering if any of you dangerous ladies out there could lend a few tips on how to bring out and nurture proper martial aggression and intent when working with a female beginner.

Patrick Hardin

I don't have a problem with hitting or being hit but it's odd when we first do it simply because we are less used to being in a physically aggressive situation probably due to upbringing & society. I think women focus more on the technique and we tend to not get aggressive until we're a bit more comfortable with what we're trying to execute. I notice that men do the opposite; they'll go in charging first & worry about skill later.

Now to answer your question, it depends on the lady in question because some women are very timid and it just takes time. Try to make her think of a home invasion & what she'd do to protect her family. Once she's mad enough just make her focus it into skill.

[S. Hord]

One thing that has helped me in solo drills is picturing people who would hurt children. Not just anyone - pick a particular case that really moves you. I have my pick of cases since I interact with law enforcement, but there was one case I read in the paper about a local girl that made me sick. She had been abused and eventually murdered in a particularly awful way. I picture what I would have done to the people who hurt her had I been her mother (not the one who allegedly also hurt her). Even though I don't have kids yet, It's an interesting play on the maternal instinct.

I agree, I think women have a maternal instinct even when we don't have or want to have kids of our own. That is not to say that we don't have a fighting instinct too but it's more of a defensive (protective) rather than offensive instinct.

[Gene Tausk]

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