Swetnam actually has a whole section on the tongue as a weapon - having the prudence not to get yourself in trouble, or the wit to talk your way out of it without fighting.
Master. Now my loving scholler I have alreadie described the rules of sixe weapons, which I promised to instruct thee in, but yet I have stumbled by chance upon another weapon, which is as necessarie as anie of the rest; nay more, for without thou be perfect in the skill of this weapon, all the rest will rather bee hurtfull unto thee then do thee good.
Scholler. I praie you, what weapon is that?
Master. Marrie it is faire tongue.
Scholler. Why doe you call the tongue a weapon?
Master. Because at manie times, and for manie purposes, it is the fittest weapon, and the most surest for a mans owne defence, for the tongue at sometimes runneth so at randome, that for want of a bridle like a yong colt overthroweth the rider, although it be but a little thing and seldome seene, yet it is often heard to the utter confusion of manie a man, for the tongue is such a weapon without it bee governed, it will cut worse the anie sword; a nettle is a bad weed in a garden, but the tongue will sting worse then a nettle, and pricke deeper then a thorne, likewise manie men are taken by the tongues as birds are taken by the feete, therefore a faire tongue or a tongue governed well, will better keep and defend thy bodie from prison, if thou at anie tine be committed by the Magistrates when thy Sword will hinder thee if thou trust unto thy manhood.
Scholler. If I fight with no other weapon, but with a faire tongue, the world will condemne mee, and terme me for a coward.
Maister. A faire tongue is more necessarie for a valorous man, then a good weapon for a coward, for thou shalt heare: for with a faire tongue thou maiest passe through watch and ward, if thou do chance to travell in the night by occasion, and thou bee late from thy lodging, at such a time this is a principall weapon, and shall more prevaile then thy Sword, or any other weapon whatsoever.
Againe, a faire tongue is an excellent weapon, if thou hap in drunken company, and there fall to quarrelling; in such a case, if thou draw thy weapon, if it were as if a man should quench a great fire with a bundle of flaxe, for at such a time, and in such a company, if a man draw his weapon, he may soone be killed as kill, for drunkards and madde men are all alike during time of the drinke.
Also a faire tongue is a principall weapon to carry with thee, if thou chance to travell into anie strange countrey: for if an iniurie be offered in a place where thou are not acquainted or unknowne, thou maiest be oppressed with more then one, for birds of a feather will holde together; and many will hold on the bigger side, for where the hedge is lowest, the beast will soonest get over, but in such a case be well armed with patience for thy Buckler. and a faire tongue for thy Sword, and thy hand readie on thy hatte to doe reverence to everie vassall, although thou be a Gentleman, for the richest man that is, and the strongest man that ever was, did, and must pocket up an injurie in his owne Countrey, much more it is lesse disgrace to thee to put up an iniurie in a strange place, if an occasion be offered, the rather bestirre thy selfe with a faire tongue, then with thy sword; for in such a case thy sword will availe thee nothing at all.
Scholer. All this while with this weapon you have not taught me how I should defend my point.
Maister. Now I will tell thee, with a faire tongue, thou mayest save thy money many times, by promising much, and performing little, especially where little is deserved, for those which deserve little. a faire promise will passe, in a manner, as currant as thy money: I have known many Musitions many times paid with faire words: and now that it commeth into my minde I will tell thee a tale (as I have heard it reported:) How King Dyonisius rewarded a crew of Musitions which came to him with excellent Musicke, and after the Musicke was ended, come againe to me to morrow said the King, and I will give you a thousand talents; the which promise founded to a sweete and pleasant tune in the Musitions eares: But in the morning they came, expecting the Kings reward, according to his promise: But the King looked strangely upon them, and asked them what they would have, And it like your Highnesse, said one of the chiefest of them, we are come for your gracious reward which you promised us. What was that, said the King? A thousand talents said the Fidler. Why said the king, Is not that out of thy head yet? thy Musicke is quite out of mine, thou pleasedst my eares with thy musick for the present,& I likewise filled thy eares with a pleasant sound of so much money: to our matter againe.
A faire tongue, and kinde behavior winneth favor, both with God and men, whereas those which can not governe their tongues are seldome at quiet; but always punished or vexed with the Law, and troubles in the Lawe consume much money, which with discretion might be kept by governement of the tongue.
Now by the hieway, if a carelesse roister in his own name require thee to stand, and by vertue of his owne warrant doth require thy purse; in such a danger, and in such a case betake thy selfe to thy weapon, rather then trust to thy tongue: for to speake faire unto some in such a case will availe thee nothing at all, but yet for all that, a faire tongue is a precious balme to beare about thee although it bee not sufficient to heale wounds, yet it may be a preservative to keepe thee without hurts: all the comfort thou canst have of thy dearest friends is but little else then bodily sustenance, nay of thy kind and loving wife which is or should be thy greatest comfort in life under God, if she I say do all that ever shee can to pleasure thee, yet thou maist hap to find in this booke, if thou reade it over, one lesson or other which may stead thee, or do thee more pleasure then all thy other friends: for here are many things written by me, that peradventure thou maist seeke after a greate while, and yet not fine them else-where, and so farewell.
